I hate saying good bye. I hate when things end. It has never been easy for me.
I am the type of person who always has the 'what ifs' in my head. I over analyze and think up 35309 ways things could have been different. Then I obsess over it.
However, as I grow up I am starting to realize everything is not forever. Change is the only constant in our lives. How you feel a year from this exact point might totally and completely different. People come and go from our lives. People who you were so close with and a bond you never thought would break, can and will be broken. People fall apart from each other. I have come to accept this.
Is it it easy? no.
Do I still go back in my head and think of how I could fix the situation? yes.
But some situations are not meant to be fixed.
Sometimes people are not meant to be your friends or part of your life forever. And that is okay.
Feeling awful and feeling bad is not a forever thing.
Life goes on and you have to grow from each person who is a part of your life. You will not be stuck with anger and sadness forever. You will not feel helpless forever. It will get better because you know that very few thing are forever.
Recently I have had to let go of a very good friend. This was someone who has been part of my life for a long time. We had many amazing fun times together, but we have grown apart. It is not a blame game because I know I have my faults. At this point in my life I need people who bring out the best in me and who I bring out the best in. She wasn't one of them. I am saddened the for loss of such a dear friendship. Most days I want to reach out, but i remember the hurt and anger and right now I am not ready to forgive or let her back in. I won't say we will never be friends again. Never is a long time. However, for now, for this time I need to exhale all the toxic from life and focus on the good. Its okay that we are not best friends.
because sometimes it's not forever.