Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Sometimes there has to be the storm

So this past weekend I was reflecting a little bit on life and getting all deep with the emotions. Now most of my blog posts are pretty upbeat and there isn't a lot of deep dark emotional business going on. For one, I don't like it and two, most of you probably do not care.

HOWEVER I realized a few things this weekend--

Last winter I went through probably the roughest part of my life. I was dumped pretty much out of the blue by someone who said they loved me, wanted to marry me and who I thought wouldn't hurt me. Looking back, HOW could i have been so silly? I was pretty much NEVER treated the way I should have been. I didn't really know much different because I had never had such a serious relationship before. I thought that we just had ups & downs and that all the compromising I was doing was normal.

It wasn't.

He had mentioned marrying me on several occasions and I was always immediately filled with a sense of 'oh well I am going to have to compromise on this, this, this and this'. 'I will have to learn how to live with this and that' That is not okay. After the break up (as most of you know) I never thought i would get better. I was drowning and I thought I was going to die of the broken heart barely beating inside of me. I never thought I would laugh or feel the way about someone else like i did about him. Dramatic, of course but i was so broken I couldn't even begin to look to the future.



he was the first person to ever say he loved me, and I took it so seriously. Looking back, I know he didn't. He never really did. He got caught up in wanting to be in love and just said it. (later of course I find out he said it to everyone he had EVER dated...all 534897 of them).

But as they say life must go on. and it did. I got busy with subbing, being with my friends and three months later the best thing that has ever happened to me walked into my life. Out of nowhere I was introduced to one the best men I have ever had the opportunity to meet. I am treated better than any one else has ever treated me. 



Looking back now, i am actually grateful of how my last relationship went and ended. It gives me a much greater perspective on how i deserve to be treated and to also never take it for granted. Without the 'storm' of my previous relationship I would not be able to relish in the sunshine of my new one.

I am not saying life is perfect now, it is far from it. I won't lie and say that sometimes i have small pangs of hurt when i see him out in his new relationship. However, I can say that those pangs are completely overridden by the fact that I know that relationship, my past one, was not and is NOT the type of relationship i want. I don't know where mine and D's relationship is going (heck it's only been 6.5 months) but I am content in knowing I would never want the past relationship back again. So when I see my ex boyfriend out I am able to look past any anger i still have residing inside and look to the wonderful resolution inside of me knowing I am so much happier without him.

I never thought I would ever feel that way.

I was ready to give up hope last winter. I was calling it quits and wanted to hide away in my apartment under a blanket, some days i did. Some days it was literally a struggle to not cry in front of my students. but then those days started getting fewer and fewer. I became stronger. I allowed time to heal me. Time truly does heal all wounds.



So I guess my whole point of this and that sometimes life is hard. Really hard. BUT it will get better. You just have to make it there. That tough and hard time is preparing you for the beautiful time that is ahead, and just know how much more you will enjoy the future knowing what you know now.


XO



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8 comments:

  1. This is such a great post Sarah. Thank you for not being afraid to share your vulnerability...your words will really help someone who may be going through the same thing! Keep looking up, and congrats on how well things are going with the new fella! :)

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  2. I LOVE this post and I am so happy that you met someone who treats you right! You deserve the best!

    xo

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  3. So true hun! I believe we have to feel hurt (unfortunately) in order to truly appreciate the real thing when it comes along. I've been with a few total a**hats that I always compromising so many things to be with, thankfully those all ended (some not so well) and when my husband came along he was like a breath of fresh air. And there were things about him that I never even thought to put down on my "list" of things I wanted that he had. I didn't have to compromise a thing. Priceless!

    I love seeing how happy you've been recently :-D

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  4. You are amazing. This is the first blog I've come across in awhile that actually made me think, "This person is so real and courageous." Also, that first quote is amazing. Because heartbreak truly is the worst thing I have ever felt. But on the other side, the grass IS GREENER (If you water it). I met my husband SHORTLY after a 3 year relationship in which I thought I would marry the guy. And honestly, I thank God SO OFTEN because had I ended up with the other guy? That would have made for some unhappiness forever. Thanks for being so real. And so vulnerable. So courageous. And so honest. I love your words. And I hope you know that someday, a man will walk into your life and make you realize why all this happened.

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  5. So true! Everything you said rings so true I am so happy you have found happiness.

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  6. I have BEEN there except I was drowning for a year or two. Partially his fault, partially mine - either way, it was a really rough time in life. Not only did I wait WAY too long to walk but when I finally did, I kept hoping maybe... JUST MAYBE we'd work things out.

    It's been almost 4 years now since I left him and it is, hands down, one of the best decisions I've ever made in my entire life. It was a horrible, horrible relationship and though it started off awesome it ended in chaos and drama.

    Reading this took me back to those times when I really thought I'd never move on or love again. Like you, with time, I finally was able to and I swear, it had to have been God who brought this really wonderful man into my life. Funny how things don't always go how you want them to, but they end up how they're supposed to, every time.

    Sorry for the novel, but this post hit WAY close to home. I'm happy you're happy with your D and that I'm happy with my D - we both deserve the best! xo

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  7. Love this post!! It's so true. Glad you are in a much better place now!

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  8. I went through a similar thing this summer! My boyfriend and I were talking marriage and then he decided he wasn't sure I was the woman he wanted to marry anymore. We broke up a few days later. I felt like I was drowning in hurt and anger and bitterness for 5 months. I finally released it all thanks to God a couple weeks ago. I'm still working through time healing all wounds, but it is so rough! Glad to see your story has a happy ending. I'm hoping to find my happy ending someday :)

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have a wonderful day :)