HOWEVER I realized a few things this weekend--
Last winter I went through probably the roughest part of my life. I was dumped pretty much out of the blue by someone who said they loved me, wanted to marry me and who I thought wouldn't hurt me. Looking back, HOW could i have been so silly? I was pretty much NEVER treated the way I should have been. I didn't really know much different because I had never had such a serious relationship before. I thought that we just had ups & downs and that all the compromising I was doing was normal.
He had mentioned marrying me on several occasions and I was always immediately filled with a sense of 'oh well I am going to have to compromise on this, this, this and this'. 'I will have to learn how to live with this and that' That is not okay. After the break up (as most of you know) I never thought i would get better. I was drowning and I thought I was going to die of the broken heart barely beating inside of me. I never thought I would laugh or feel the way about someone else like i did about him. Dramatic, of course but i was so broken I couldn't even begin to look to the future.
he was the first person to ever say he loved me, and I took it so seriously. Looking back, I know he didn't. He never really did. He got caught up in wanting to be in love and just said it. (later of course I find out he said it to everyone he had EVER dated...all 534897 of them).
But as they say life must go on. and it did. I got busy with subbing, being with my friends and three months later the best thing that has ever happened to me walked into my life. Out of nowhere I was introduced to one the best men I have ever had the opportunity to meet. I am treated better than any one else has ever treated me.
Looking back now, i am actually grateful of how my last relationship went and ended. It gives me a much greater perspective on how i deserve to be treated and to also never take it for granted. Without the 'storm' of my previous relationship I would not be able to relish in the sunshine of my new one.
I am not saying life is perfect now, it is far from it. I won't lie and say that sometimes i have small pangs of hurt when i see him out in his new relationship. However, I can say that those pangs are completely overridden by the fact that I know that relationship, my past one, was not and is NOT the type of relationship i want. I don't know where mine and D's relationship is going (heck it's only been 6.5 months) but I am content in knowing I would never want the past relationship back again. So when I see my ex boyfriend out I am able to look past any anger i still have residing inside and look to the wonderful resolution inside of me knowing I am so much happier without him.
I never thought I would ever feel that way.
I was ready to give up hope last winter. I was calling it quits and wanted to hide away in my apartment under a blanket, some days i did. Some days it was literally a struggle to not cry in front of my students. but then those days started getting fewer and fewer. I became stronger. I allowed time to heal me. Time truly does heal all wounds.
So I guess my whole point of this and that sometimes life is hard. Really hard. BUT it will get better. You just have to make it there. That tough and hard time is preparing you for the beautiful time that is ahead, and just know how much more you will enjoy the future knowing what you know now.