Monday, January 14, 2013

Shit.






Shit. Shit. Shit.

That is my mood as of today. I have shit going on with someone. basically just fucking
playing games with my head & my heart. I betcha can't guess who it is.
oh wait..you probably can.

I was finally starting to feel semi normal again & then it gets all screwed up again.

"I miss you so much. I cannot handle it anymore"- Wednesday via text
"i  want to be with you again..." - Thursday in person
"I just don't know what i want, but I miss you so much. I am still trying to figure it out" - Sunday night in person

this is what I am dealing with right now.
I know, I SHOULD be stronger and say a big ole "F YOU! I am moving on"
but i can't.
I feel like an idiot. I don't have the 'power' or the 'upperhand' or anything.
I am just sitting here waiting on someone else.
this isn't healthy. this isn't what I want but I cannot just let go.
i feel so sick.
How can i sit here and let someone jerk me around like this. Why can't i just let go
and move on?
being in love with someone is the pits.

I don't know.
I have been praying and praying for answer and for strength.

I am pissed. sad. depressed. and a million other things.
this post doesn't make much sense, but i had to get it out and let you know I am still alive..
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6 comments:

  1. I had this exact same thing happen to me before the new year. its happened on & off for over a year. stupid freaking mind games! finally for the new year I said F it. I don't deserve it. It was prob the hardest thing I ever did and not gonna lie I already caved in once and texted him..but of course nothing changed he startd playing games with me again.
    I am starting to realize it will NEVER change.

    You don't deserve that. no girl does! be strong! take it one day at a time.

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  2. Oh girl, I'm going through the same thing. We talked, we had fun, we (or I) thought we were going to start dating. It was perfect. Him: I'm not ready to date. Me: Okay...

    I stopped talking to him. I let go. It took awhile. I got better. I was doing GREAT! Didn't even miss him.

    About a week ago...him: I think we should start talking again.
    Me: You don't want to date, though.
    Him: Who says? ;)

    Current situation: WHO THE HELL KNOWS?!?!?!

    We talk sometimes...other times he ignores me for days.

    So...I QUIT!!! I'm done...again. I need to be okay. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't pressure yourself to hard. Everyone goes and is going through something like that one way or another.

    In my case... I am also waiting. I am extremely frustrated because I have been with my bf for 4 years and there is still no ring on it. We've talked about it a lot and he just isn't ready. Which is ok, because I "can" wait. But Then the question comes up... why should I wait? I'm ready. I've been ready.

    Point is, that you just have to listen to your heart.

    If your sad all the time when your with this person, because you have to wait, than that should be your answer right there. Relationships should be happy.

    I hope you feel better! If you need anything let me know <3

    xoxo Yesi <3

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  4. oh no!! ugh - stupid freaking boys!!

    stay strong. or maybe this is the closure you need. to realize he's just messing with you. or he's lonely and just USING you. stay strong. you know your boundaries.

    let me know if you need ANYTHING! xoxo.

    ReplyDelete
  5. That's one of the great reasons for blogging - a place to just get it out. This is my first visit to your blog so I won't judge the situation without knowing everything about it. I will pray for you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Girl, I think everyone's been there at least once. It's definitely hard. You just have to remember (as ridiculous as it seems right now) that everything happens for a reason. You seem like you have a great support system, though, whether it's your family or your blog family. It'll work itself out. Stay strong! Find a craft to work on in the meantime. :)

    ReplyDelete

I appreciate all your sweet comments, they truly make my day. I do my very best to respond to everyone who leaves a comment!

have a wonderful day :)